Native American Allyship.
They created the FBI to shut us down.
One of the best books you can read to be a Native American ally is Killers of the Flower Moon. It’s all about the racist inception of the FBI.
Another way you can be an ally is to skip the Smithsonian in Washington D.C. You heard me right. Go to the Native American History Museum instead. It’s small but you can survive with your dignity intact. I am that brown woman who skipped the Smithsonian to look at a canoe. My mother is that black haired brown woman who is a genius. She’s in the foyer walking me into the museum to see a simple canoe. Telling me to breathe. I can do this.
You know why I didn’t skip the canoe? Because as a child I once went on a field trip to a mediocre museum featuring Pomo Indians and I thought: Well there aren’t any left and my family is Indian so if there were anyone who should know a Pomo Indian it’s us but we don’t…but here we are…here I am…it can’t have been as bad as the book says. No problem.
A Male Indian scalp was worth cents. A female or child scalp was worth even less cents. We are talking 15 cents. That’s why more people can claim a female Native American Ancestor. They couldn’t get as rich killing us; there was no big reward for that level of brutality. Even Killers have a conscience after all. That’s why we are all assimilated A.F. Nobody wants to dwell on those numbers.
This is an aside: but hopefully I’ll wrap it up together neatly. These platforms are not set up to be a place to resist and restore any balance to the equation. I am supposed to conform. Post politely. Be un-emotional. It’s a crime to be emotional. It’s not a crime to change the rules on us all. We can literally just ban a #BPD hashtag on Instagram but not #FoodPorn and trust me if there is a way to take away #NDN or #canoe or #IAGDTBI (It’s a good day to be Indigenous) in the future they will.
But I’m not going to stoop to bending any rules in the game.
If that’s how we are playing it…I’ll play along. Let’s revert to the old Humor Interlude.
They created the Smithsonian to tell a racist version of history. Here are some alternate stories.
How to pack a bag when you are Indian
When you are an Indian, and you have to pack a bag. It feels like moving a Mountain. Because; you are really packing every bag that has ever been packed before. The divorce child bags, the camping bags the Trail of Tears no time bags. And now these four bags must be perfect because it’s 2022. Surely a Native American has perfected how to pack our bags.
How to pack your bag is to not be interrupted. You are interrupted to look at a Native American meme. [We have meme’s now] The meme is ugly. So; you frown more. You put your hands on your hips and make a HAKA mean face to The One Who Loves You Best but it’s too late.
You’ve flushed the Salmon upriver into the wrong stream. You contemplate and self-flagellate for even thinking of leaving behind the sandlewood. You’ve packed four books because “the journey the journey the journey is long” and you will be educated and entertained if it kills you and it is killing you. You must pack in such a way that the Indian perfumed wood, covid test kits and iphone are in a grab-n-go way. The headphone-dressing & I.D. are also yours not buried and these are the dreams, screams of the past and interruptions you can’t avoid when you are Native American and you are packing.
To Camo or Not to Camo? That is the Question. You think of Garrison Keillor as an honorary Native American for his prose.
If you don’t know Indians and humor go together than you’ve been missing out. In my family I’m considered funny but I can’t hold a candle to my NDN cousin who is more Indian and thus more humorous. [He also has good taste in less corrupt sports teams like Penguins Hockey and the crowd funded before there was crowd funding: Green Bay Packers football team.]
Here are the top cliche things I think you know about Native Americans followed by the top things I wish you would actually ask me to demonstrate any level of Indigenous cultural history. You don’t even have to be in a remotely accurate ballpark. You could ask me about Samoan Haka and why Indians don’t have one or mispronounce Tatanka like a Greek man did to me the other day and I’d be thrilled.
This sounds like a bad idea; I realize that; but that’s why we’re doing it. Cultural Bias is a scale and that’s why it’s complicated. If it wasn’t; it would be easier and we would have solved it by now. Let’s plough through the following items; the sooner to increase our confidence levels: The Dakota Mountains, Flat Bread, The Bureau of Indian Affairs, We Are All Registered with a Tribe, Casinos, PowWows, Laziness, Alcoholism, Regalia, Basket Weaving, WrongNames, Migration, Pocahontas, Trail of Tears.
It’s easy to skip a PowWow. Seriously awkward; but possible. I’ve never been to the Dakotas. I’m allergic to flatbread. It’s a lot harder to be registered with a Tribe than you think even if you are full blood. And yes I have people in my family that receive Tribal monies but I probably never will. I don’t smoke Camels I will only smoke Native American Spirits. No my dad isn’t really NDN I lied in the other blog story when I called him Chief. My last name is Spanish but I’m the only one in my immediate family who has been to Spain.
I don’t go to casinos but I’ve been to Vegas. I didn’t grow up on a Res. I’m the only one in my family who has been to Mongolia. I don’t have any Samoan Hakas memorized but I would love to learn one the right way for a happy occasion not a sad one.
Not all but quite a few Native American families had their names changed or altered by accident or intentionally or in school or via marriage. I’ll use my family story as an example. My family was Whitecloud but they changed their name because they didn’t want to be associated with bathroom tissue when that product came out so they changed their name to reflect their anger; they became Thundercloud.
I love mulberries and walnuts. I’ve seen Dances With Wolves and Smoke Signals about five times each. My favorite scene is the girls driving backwards up the highway because it looks exactly like where I’m from. A place with no stoplights, dry grass, where everyone knows everyone and it’s boring. But I’ve never driven backwards. Occasionally, I’ll bring up Smoke Signals as an icebreaker to see if the culturally astute person near me can jive with the reference and nine times out of ten they can’t but they take the film recommendation.
If I had to pick the Top 5 Native American Literature books I’d say:
- God is Red by Vine Deloria
- Custer Died for Your Sins by Vine Deloria.
3. There There by Tommy Orange because he’s a cool dude and he is the real deal behind the new HBO series ‘The Last of Us’ that just cast Gabriel Luna.
4. Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee is amazingly well documented but disturbing. But it’s hard not to choose this one as a Non-Fiction fan. Forget about the new Lakota book written by a white academic. It’s literally trash. Don’t buy it. The author missed the humor memo.
5. Maria TallChiefs’ autobiography. This is a memoir of our most iconic prima ballerina not a myth and it’s not full of genocide statistics. Always good to have balance.
Read any of those and you’ll be well on your way to understanding the fundamentals of Native Americana as the worlds un-sung genre of choice.
Can you Fancy dance? I promised my Uncle Whitehorse I would learn to Fancy Dance before I die. But did I do it yet? Nope. Ask me again in 2023. There are actually some cool Native American Pow Wow dance workout videos on social media now posted by Notorious Cree. I love that we are using our voice.
Do I wear a watch? Yes. I do. We have a system. Many of us wear watches. Many of us are workaholics. But I would remind everyone how to be a human sun-dial too.
What does my Native American Family do for a living? They are: a Tech Writer, a Graphic Designer, a Professor of Eastern Religion, a Vietnam Vet, a Financial Analyst, a former FBI hostage negotiator, Police Officer, Chef, Accountant, Therapist and Retired.
What is the drunkest I’ve ever been? Thanksgiving with my family at a bonfire.
Where is the Regalia? One of my uncles Whitehorse has the most regalia and the most beads. The Thunderclouds have the best stone sculpture and skulls. My mother has the most PanDao Embroidery which is actually Asian. We all have feathers. I once added my cats whiskers to a bone necklace and it’s on display in my mothers’ kitchen.
Are you assimilated? I consider myself to be assimilated yep.
Is God Red? Absolutely. We will never forget what the Catholic church did to us and [continues to do in Mexico’s caste system] and some of us do not understand why some African Americans give Christians and Christianity such an easy pass.
How is the Navajo Nation doing? They meet four times a year and are relatively tech savy. They go live on social media and I think that’s mind-blowing because I’m confident that is not the carbon-negative affair that it should be. But website hosting can be low carbon so I’ll be chasing their I.T. team. Leave no stone un-turned.
Whew I crammed a lot of stereotypes in there. I think I got most of them. I definitely got alcohol twice. What can I say I’m thirsty.
I’m also lazy and sleepy. Hold on while I nap.
So that’s it. If I hear my actual name I feel like I’m in trouble because my family only calls me my indian animal name. I work at a Library and every week I checkout Diary of a Wimpy Kid dozens of times to semi-rich Asians. I want to scream cause Sherman Alexie wrote The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian first and it’s way deeper than Kinney’s fluff.
Because when my family grows old and dies all I will have is the Native American name they left me with, the memories, the Eagle feathers and bad weather and I will own it all with not just pride but enthusiasm.
Because there are a lot of myths out there; but I am no myth.
Because God is Red.
Because I am going to end up with a better Native American collection than that museum in D.C. I am a part-time Indian. Feathers not dots. And Sherman Alexie told me so.
